The other day, one of our kids had a girl over. You could tell she was interested. Like really interested.
But our kid, cool as anything, said, “No, thank you.”
I nearly fell off my chair. At his age, I would have been snogging anything that moved. WHO IS THIS KID??
Later he explained: “I’ve seen your marriage. That’s what I want. And I don’t want to date until I find something like that.”
Excuse me, what?? Since when do teenagers sound like they’ve been through marriage counseling? I’m still in shock. But it reminded me of something I already knew deep down: our kids are always watching. They’re learning what love looks like not from lectures, but from the relationships right in front of them.
That’s why my husband and I guard our marriage like it’s sacred. Every week, no matter what, we do date night. In the beginning, the kids hated it. They clung to me as I tried to walk out the door, our littlest in tears, terrified of separation. But we kept going. And over time, something shifted. Now, they tell us, “Have a good time!” when we leave.
Because they’ve learned that us taking time for each other doesn’t mean less love for them. It means stability. It means security. It means they can trust that the foundation under their feet isn’t cracking.
And date night doesn’t always look glamorous. Sometimes it’s sneaking back into the house after dinner out and taking a nap together while the babysitter puts the kids to bed. Sometimes it’s parking by the train tracks and watching a movie on our phone in the car. It’s not about where we go, it’s about showing our kids that our marriage matters enough to carve out time, even in the small, silly ways.
Our kids come from abusive homes, from dysfunctional families, from places where relationships meant chaos or control. They need to see something different. They need to see respect. Kindness. Laughter. They need to see that love is something you work on with intention, not something you just “hope” will last.
It’s easy to get sucked into our kids’ behaviors, their needs, their crises, until we neglect our own marriage. But the truth is, one of the very best things we can give our kids is the model of a healthy relationship. Because someday, they’re going to look for love too. And I want them to know they don’t have to settle for pain.
So no matter what, date night. Not because our marriage is perfect (trust me, it’s not). But because it’s worth working on. Because our kids deserve to see love that lasts.